why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
