Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
