I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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