Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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