break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I puked a lego.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
