Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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