were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
