i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
