Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize