can u get pink eye on your cock?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
