Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
