so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
