You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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