remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
