Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
