Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
