I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
