so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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