i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
