can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
