I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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