That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
