Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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