Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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