i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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