Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
