just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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