Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So apparently I’m into choking now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
