Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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