I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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