If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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