I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize