oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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