She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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