I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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