Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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