I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
