Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
