I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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