Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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