Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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