Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want a musical about memes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
