I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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