I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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