I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
