it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i've created a new STD.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
