i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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