Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
