dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
