What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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