If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
