I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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