worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
