Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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