i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
