two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
