listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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