i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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