i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
