I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Randomize
