OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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