i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
