My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
