hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
