even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Randomize