I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
