i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
