if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
