You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just forgot I was standing up.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
