I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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