my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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