Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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